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I assisted one of my friends on a high fashion photoshoot a few days ago. Usually, I don't get too self-conscious about how I look. I let most of that go in college, when I realized that the guys in high school were just dumb (no offense if any of y'all actually read my blog, which I doubt), and the reason they didn't like me had nothing to do with my looks. I think it had way more to do with the aforementioned goody-goody personality of mine. But that's another story for another day. I'm just glad my husband thought that part of me was hot. That and ma biscuits.
Ahem. Getting back on topic...
I'm a size 6 (albeit a tight size 6 sometimes...), which compared to most, is still small. But for the first time in my whole life, I walked into that room on the photoshoot and felt like the fat girl. Heck, I was the fat girl. Not only was the model a size 0, but so was the makeup artist. The model's mom and my friend were both smaller than me.
And while I know y'all are going to say not to let that get to me? That I'm not a total fatty, because a 0 isn't normal? I appreciate it. I do. But dude, I needed the wake-up call. My happy weight is 115. And it's not beyond my reach. I've just spent the last 4 years enjoying carbs and losing my sense of portion control.
Before that, my heaviest was 125, and that was when I didn't really work out or watch what I ate. And before that, I spent most of my life as a size 0.
Those days are long behind me now though.
I have the muscle. I could arm wrestle Brad and put up a good fight, thanks to Noah (go lift 40+ lbs over and over all day and I promise you'll get results). Ask me to flex, and I've got some serious guns. But I've lacked the discipline in my diet, so you can't actually see them. I mean, what a waste.
Until now.
And you know what the difference is? Motivation. Resolve.
Before, I made excuses. I'd do really well all week, and then let Brad talk me into a night out, full of high calorie food. I'd let myself have a bowl of ice cream... y'know since I'd worked out that day. What kind of logic is that??
So I went to the store the day after that shoot, with the skinny version of me stuck in my head. I was focused, man. I just about bought out their produce department. Even the checkout lady made a comment about it.
I know what to do. I've done it before... lived off of only healthy foods, occasionally splurging. Working out on a consistent basis. Both my parents are health conscious. They shop organically and haven't been lazy a day in their life.
Since last Wednesday, I've counted every calorie. And guess what I found out? I'm barely over 1000 calories a day. And that's how I use to eat back when I was skinny. To be clear, I don't starve myself. It's just that the food I eat is filling, but low cal. Lots of fruits, veggies, and lean protein. If I want something salty, I go for some (lightly salted) almonds. If I want something sweet, I drink some hot chocolate.
It's not rocket science. The difference between a week ago and now? I'm motivated. Because I'll be darned if I ever walk into a room again and feel fat. That feeling sucked. And I'll never be that again (unless I'm pregnant obviously, which I'm not).
I wish I could say that I'm doing this so that I can be healthy for my kid/s and blahblahblah. Yes, I want that too. But if I'm being perfectly honest? I'm totally being shallow and vain. I want my defined cheekbones back. And I want to fit (not squeeze) in that cute little black dress again.
So yeah, it's all about the looks for me.
Oh well. At least I'm not ashamed to admit it, right? That's got to count for something. :)
It's time to be fabulous again.
via
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ps. remember when I said popcorn was 0 points on WW? Yeah, I was wrong. I swear I didn't just come up with that, but turns out 5 cups is equal to 4 pts. Just wanted to make that clear, so I'm not steering people into wasting all their points on popcorn. And thanks to a friend of mine for not calling me out on my blog and making me feel like an idiot. lol.
4 comments:
What's funny is that after 2 weeks of not working out, I have finally lost my first pound. Hahahaha I just lauuuughed when I saw that on the scale. My body is still naturally shedding the baby weight I guess. I have been killing myself for weeks working out, and granted I feel stronger and tighter, but no weight dropped because I eat all the time. Can't cut the cals quite yet. Anyways, you go girl. I think you look great, but I'm right along with ya thought. I feel like I'm trapped inside this chubby body, and I can't get out. Someday I'll be able to slip into my size 4 jeans without a fuss. Someday.....
Can you hear me clapping and jumping up and down from over here in Chicago?
I love this post for so many reasons. Your honesty mostly. The reason all women want to lose weight is to not be the fat girl in the room. To look good. To have cheekbones. Is that vain? Yes but at least we are admitting it.
I lost a lot of weight on WW a year and 1/2 ago. (22 pounds). Slowly 10 pounds crept back on. I'm sort of mad at myself but its' the carbs and portion control.
I want to lose 5 pounds before we go to Mexico in 2 weeks. I know that sounds like a lot but I'm so tall that 5 pounds isn't that much on me.
I just want to look and feel good in my swimsuit. And it's not even a bikini. :-)
Keep us posted on your progress. I know you are going to be sucessful and feel great by summer!
I just went to the gym for the first time in weeks and I'm feeling all motivated too! I've never been skinny but I have been smaller so it's back on the wagon with me.
Good luck to you! Thanks for making me feel ever more motivated :)
I keep wanting to work out but keep telling myself I can't because I'm nursing- and lazy! And yes, it's all about the looks :)
You can totally do this!
P.S. Honestly, you look great in all your pictures.
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