streams of consciousness

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Noah's going through a weird diet phase right now.
Actually, it's more like a crap diet phase. He does this every once in a while, where all he wants to eat is crackers, chips, grilled cheese, and ice cream. Brad is a total pushover when it comes to Noah, which kind of sucks sometimes, because it means that I have to be the mean one. Brad took Noah to get some ice cream from McD's last night. So a few hours later, when Brad was in bed already, Noah asked me for ice cream. And of course, I told him no.

Noah doesn't really throw fits.
But oh my lordy. You would've thought I'd told him he's never ever having ice cream ever again. He fell on the floor and cried big, fat crocodile tears. Honestly, it's heartbreaking, because he's the embodiment of all that is innocent and right with the world. He doesn't understand that if he eats cartons of ice cream, that he'll get a belly ache. Or that his Dr will lecture me again for making him obese.

The frustrating part is that I know he likes healthy foods. If he's in the mood, he'll down an apple in 2 seconds. Same with grapes and bananas. In fact, at the store, he gets mad at me if I don't peel a banana for him right away (he hasn't quite figured out that "pay first" concept). I know for a fact that he likes peas and lima beans. But right now, he won't touch them. Heck, he's even refusing peanut butter. That's not normal for him.
Food is one of those things I've chosen not to make a massive deal about with him. Because the more I make it into an issue? The worse his diet may end up getting. So I wait it out. I stop buying kettle chips. Usually, we don't even keep ice cream at the house. I wait until he has nothing left to choose from but healthy options. Eat healthy or starve, basically. lol.

It'll all come back around again eventually. It always does. But man does that waiting period make me feel like a mom-failure.

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My little sister turned 16 yesterday.
It's kind of surreal. Being a sister at 14 means you do much more in the ways of helping out than you would if you were a sister at 4. I changed this girl's diapers for cryin' out loud.
So it's weird to describe how I feel about her turning 16. She's not my kid, but at the same time, it's like she is. So part of me is all, "Cool! My sister's old enough to talk about more grown-up things!" while the other part is all, "No! She's supposed to stay a baby!" It's very confusing.

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You ever feel like the kid on the playground that's wearing hand-me-downs and is all excited about last year's toy, while everyone else is in their designer jeans and talking about the latest iPhone apps?
Yeah, that's how I feel a lot of the time.
But honestly, it's not the stuff I care about. Not at all. It's the attitude of, "Wow are you missing out!" that surprises me. A friend of mine even fussed at Brad once for having a smartphone, while I have the freebie phone (seriously, I'm just happy mine texts). Nevermind that his is for work, and I really don't need a fancy phone. I've never cared much about being up to date on the latest and greatest. I grew up in a pretty privileged family, but my parents were the ones that decided when to spend and what on. Trust me, I enjoy shopping. But materialism really isn't my thing, especially when I know something newer and better will be along next year. Even in college, when I had "Daddy's credit card" on me 24/7, I never went on a spending spree. It was mostly for school books, gas, etc (gas, because I drove all around Charlotte carpooling my little brother and sister). When I saw a dress on sale that I liked? I'd call him first and ask. That happened twice.
Since being cut from the family bank account, I've had to learn a lot about money management. Brad has a lot to do with this, since he was the youngest in a family of eight. He's taught me a lot about wants vs needs.

We need to invest in Noah's therapy, so he can hopefully talk one day. We need to get new tires, so that we don't wreck. We need groceries to eat. We need to pay the water bill in order to take showers. We don't need to order Chinese, because we didn't feel like cooking. We don't need to buy a new car, because Brad's coworkers teased him about his clunker.

When it comes to how I run my photog business? I refuse to go into debt over it. It may take me longer to be really successful, because I'm not going to drop $30,000 on fancy equipment... but in the end, I'll have fewer headaches and get more sleep at night. (fyi, I'm not saying that everyone who does have all the fancy stuff is in debt. I just know there's no way for me to have it all without going into debt right now).
I buy what I need. If it's functional, and we have the money? I'm purchasing it. And I swear to you, God has blessed us for taking this route. I'm not saying this because I think we're super-Christians that are perfect and deserve to get on our high horse and tell everyone else what to do. I'm saying it because we're not. I've been tempted to drop $3000+ on a pro-grade camera. Brad was tempted to buy me a $1500+ laptop, because it was taking me 4 years to edit one picture on my old PC with the monitor from 1994. But in the end, we said no.

And lo and behold... Brad found a laptop on clearance at Target, complete with everything I need (adequate RAM, awesome graphics card, phenomenal processor...) for $250. And we had the money for that. It doesn't have an apple on it, but it definitely has what I need to process good, quality photos for clients.

So instead of feeling left out, I choose to be thankful. The whole thing is comical to me, watching these people beg to be included in whatever all the cool kids are doing or buying. Just because so-and-so photographer makes millions and edits on a MacBook doesn't mean that's the secret to their success.
Do I believe in staying current? Absolutely. Do I believe in going broke doing it? Nope.

And frankly, I kind of like the idea of being the poor, unknown photog that uses what little I have to become awesome.
Everyone loves a good underdog story. ;)

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I love hearing Noah play with his Thomas engines and saying very seriously, "ANK YOU! ANK YOU!" Apparently, one of his engines needs a lesson in manners.

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We have officially hit the paparazzi stage...

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What my weekend shall consist of. And I'm kind of excited about it.

 

HAPPY FRIDAY!