Things going through my head at the moment:
- Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the sweet and supportive texts, emails, FB messages/comments, phone calls, etc. While this was definitely not a happy time for us, all of our friends and family showing love certainly helped.
- It's amazing how many women have gone through miscarriages, yet never discuss it. Stories were coming out of the woodwork, and I wondered if it was just as helpful for them to share their experience as it was for me to hear them.
- My husband is amazing. Brad has been a total rock for me. Grabbing us fun dinners, not judging me as I drown my sorrows in chocolate ice cream, taking Noah out so I could have some much needed alone time... the man is my hero.
- Along that note, I've eaten a ridiculous amount of crap in the last several days.
- I've been scheduled for a D&C tomorrow. After doing way too much googling, thinking, stressing, and talking to friends who have been there; I decided this is the best option for me, especially considering how far along I was (apparently, the further along you are, the worse the pain). I need help moving on, and frankly, this waiting game is enough to make a person go insane. On Tuesday, it'll have been almost a week since I'd found out. The OB didn't give me any indication as to how far along the baby actually was, but I saw on the screen last week (fyi, super traumatizing for me...). It had definitely grown after our initial 7 wk visit where we heard the heartbeat. Despite this, I haven't had any signs or symptoms, and the possibility that it could happen anytime and anywhere kind of freaks me out. Because of my lack of symptoms so far, a couple people have asked if "I'm sure". Um yeah. Like I said, I saw my baby... with no heartbeat...for several minutes. I don't think it gets any more final than that. With Noah having therapy almost every day, along with Thanksgiving being right around the corner, I think I'd make myself crazy worrying. So surgery it is.
- I'm a little nervous. I'm actually more nervous about the anethesia than I am about the actual surgery itself. I've never been knocked out before, and I don't like the idea of not being in control. But my mom has had two of these, and every one I've talked to has nothing but good things to say about their experience.
- Christmas makes me happy. I've been listening to Christmas music a lot, and every time we go through the Christmas section at Target, I get all excited and happy. I love Thanksgiving, but I think this year, it's imperative that I start Christmas a little early. Our mantle is already halfway decorated, and I love it. I'm going for a different look this year, and I'm excited about it. Got us new stockings amd everything.
- I skipped out on both a bridal and baby shower over the weekend. It sucks, because I was really looking forward to them. But at the same time, I didn't want to be the weirdo sobbing in the corner while everyone else ooo'ed and aah'ed over baby booties and onesies.
- I'm incredibly thankful I made a board on Pinterest for all the things I find hilarious. I went through them the other night and was in stitches.
- I'm in my hibernation stage. When I get depressed about something, I hide. It's how I cope. I don't like talking to people or going out. I just want to be alone. I'm trying to push passed it though. Like I said, I've been out to Target and the grocery store.
- It helps to focus on things I'm thankful for right now. And honestly, it really has hit me how much of a gift Noah really is. I've been soaking up all of his sweet kisses and silliness. He's been making huge strides lately, but more on that later.
- If you're looking for some Thanksgiving type food to prep for the holiday, I've got a post up over at the Poop Whisperer with the best sweet potato casserole recipe ever. Seriously, my neice's boyfriend remembered it from last year and specifically requested I make it again this year. It's that good.
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Will update later.
3 comments:
I've been thinking about you daily and wondering how you were coping.
I don't blame you for skipping the baby shower. I would've too.
I think you made the right decision about the D&C. Waiting would be even more painful...Why suffer more than you already have.
I think it's great that you're looking ahead to Christmas. That's a good sign. I might start decorating tonight too. It went from 73 degrees to 32 degrees overnight here.
Suddenly it feels like Christmas.
Noah is a blessing. Just hug your little man and know that "this too shall pass". XOXO
You're amazing Hailey. Good luck with everything tomorrow. I'll be thinking and praying for you. You'll do great. Just remember, it's ok to cry. It's ok to be sad. After my miscarriage, I felt like everyone expected me to move on right away. Because we know "the baby wasn't viable" and our body did its job, but I WAS sad and emotional so I felt dumb crying about it. I found myself crying over nothing during very random moments over the next couple of months. It's ok. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's ok to mourn. And now, you've joined a new group of women:those who have miscarried. So someday, when your friend has one, you'll be there. To give advice. To be that rock. And the shoulder to cry on. I see my miscarriage/molar pregnancy as a blessing. I have helped countless women cope with their loss. Xoxo
hi sweet girl. had the d&c, so glad I did.....it was easier for me mentally. I have a friend who just went through losing twins 12 weeks..it was traumatizing for her passing that...I think a d&c is easier honestly. There will be a tiny bit of pain/discomfort down there for a few days (nothing major) but it's easier. I actually think the anesthesia was the best part (ha!) and I remember being in the after-surgery room (what's that called?) and felt so...good...high almost? It was a numb feel. I kind of liked not having to 'feel' much in that moment.
will be thinking of you....xo
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