Streams of Consciousness + Updates

 When Brad got hired with Avast and then with Panorama, we entered into an incredible season. Financial stress wasn't really much of a thing anymore. After years and years of saving, struggling, worrying... we could finally breathe. I could shop without guilt. Buy Matilda Jane for Diana, sign them up for any activity they wanted, pay for therapies, hire a reading tutor, decorate my house, buy cute shoes... it was nice. I vividly remember several times, Brad and I would look at each other and say, "I don't know how long this season will last, but this sure is awesome." If life together has taught us anything, it's that there are most definitely seasons. Money can come and go, we already knew that. So we figured we'd enjoy it while it lasted and if it ever ended, we'd make the most of that season too. We'd been there before, so we were prepared. Fast forward to the end of July and Panorama suddenly, with no warning, announced that there would be some layoffs. Brad texted me saying "I think I'm getting let go. We're having a meeting soon." I asked him why, and he said he lost all access to everything after they announced the layoffs. He got a decent severance. But it would've been nice to have more warning as we only had a month for insurance. With Noah and Brad both on medication, we can't let that lapse too long. Thankfully Dr Shah was amazing as always and changed Noah's prescription to double the dose for 90 days so that we could split each pill and technically make it last for 180 days. I swear that man is the best. Interviewing when you're in a senior type role is so different. Brad has been through 8 interviews with one company and still waiting to hear back. He interviewed with another company he would've been perfect for and the boss loved him, but they were worried he was too much of a manager bc of all his experience. Ben said he had to take off his Masters to get the job he landed, bc everyone thought he was overqualified. Which is so stupid bc they tell you to GET the Masters in order to land the big jobs! Brad has literally spent 6 weeks pouring over his resume, interviewing, networking, and doing everything he possibly can to land a new role. He's treated getting a job as his job. And all this while agreeing to let a couple teenagers live with us. Which takes us to the next crazy life turn...

Libby was one of my model team girls turned best friend. I've never bonded with a friend so easily and quickly. She would assist me on my shoots, so we had lots of time together. She ended up going to CoC for school but then dropped out after overloading her course load and burning out. She and her boyfriend Jaden ended up working random jobs for the next year, getting pregnant twice (one miscarriage, the other an abortion), and then getting married. Hayden was her ring bearer and Diana was her flower girl. I was with her the entire day with her closest friends and family. After they got married, they made plans to move back to Charlotte (with their 4 cats lol) and were going to stay with her parents. That was until she called Brad in tears begging to stay with us bc she and her dad got into a huge fight. Instead of talking to me about it, he said yes. About 8 years ago, Brad and I agreed that we needed better boundaries when it came to people in our lives. We can love people to a fault. We connect easily, we want to be there for people, but then we find ourselves in situations where we're getting taken advantage of or losing sight of us. Anyway, they moved in. Don't get me wrong, I want to help. But Libby's problems aren't exactly the ones of a rejected, homeless teen. She's an only child and while she's very thoughtful and so funny, she also needs to be the center of attention. If she feels slightly under the weather, she "might have strep". Lol. They lasted 3 weeks. hahaha Brad made them agree to check in with him about job applications and even though he got Jaden a job with Arrow, I don't think they liked the accountability. But leading up to the move out, we had a really good time. Sierra (one of my other past models turned friend) and her boyfriend Nic broke up right before they moved in, so we basically took her in too. We spent hours playing board games, drinking, laughing, and loving her. She's bounced back pretty well. Nic is an idiot. He was so consumed with furthering his career and thinking he's better than everyone bc he's Colombian that he let the most precious person in his life go. Anyway, Libby and Jaden moved out and I'm so happy to have our space back and our family life back to normal.

The kids homeschool life is back in full swing. We've had multiple play dates and about to go on our 3rd field trip tomorrow to Carrigan Farms. We've been to the Huntersville Ice Cream shop which was so cute and then last week the kids did an art class on expressionism at Imaginon. 

My sweet Hayden. He's taken Brad's job loss the hardest I think. He's my feeler, my thinker, my sweet little love. He's so like me. His anxiety manifested itself physically this week. He wasn't eating as much. Complained that he was tired often, had a headache, his tummy hurt, starting crying over things like growing up... all my depression/anxiety symptoms. We had a talk tonight on our family walk to my mom's that even if Brad doesn't get a job soon, we have lots of friends and family that have offered to help us if we need it. Including my Grandddaddy. Brad went to help them unlock a door after a family event recently and had a sit down talk with them. He explained how wronged I've been with this whole Roland situation. Mammaw is a coward and does the whole "well we need to forgive" and "we don't want to treat anyone differently" (talking about Hannah and Sarah who have been awful to me for years). My Granddaddy stopped her and said, "No, it's not right. Hailey is different. She's my doll." I wish he were 20 years younger. All of this would've been solved. Sorry I'm getting off track. After that talk tonight, Hayden perked back up. Ate his dinner, asked for seconds, and even had a little ice cream (on a cone, even though he doesn't like to eat the cone lol). He annoyed Diana, and I'd never been so happy to have to get on him. I love that little boy so freaking much. 

New friends, progress, and other life updates

 Noah has been pretty much the same, other than going nocturnal again for a few days. Those days are always rough. I really miss him during the day and hate that he's not a part of the family, because he's sleeping. In the past, when he needed help in the middle of the night, he would open our door and turn on all the lights. Not cool. Lol. Clearly he figured out we weren't fans of this, so over the last few days, he would stand at the end of the hallway and throw a small toy at our door. The sound wakes me up without me getting annoyed with him. Smart kid. haha Thankfully he's older now, so he knows we're all trying to sleep. He doesn't really try to wake me unless he needs help in the bathroom or is too scared to go downstairs for water or a snack by himself. The last couple of days, we were able to push his sleep back a little so I'm hoping we're on our way back to a better schedule for him. We got a new playground down the road from us, so we took him to check it out. He didn't want to go first and kept asking to "get back in the van". Lol. But we walked the trail while the little guys played and I got him to really come around to it. By the time we left, he was having a blast.

I signed Hayden up for tutoring (coincidentally with my 1st grade teacher). He's a whiz at math but needs a little extra help with reading. He really loves Ms Bailey, and he's already making great progress after a couple of weeks. He also goes to speech once a week and sees "Ms Bri". She's helping him organize those sentences a little better, pronounce certain sounds, and also work on those pronouns. He had an OT evaluation on Tuesday this week. We were concerned that maybe he had some ocular motor skill issues going on since he seems a little fatigued holding eye contact for awhile and focusing on reading words. They think he's fine there, but there is definitely some under-responsiveness with some of his sensory processing. They think he'll be there for maybe 6 months and then never have to go back, so that's good news. The one thing everyone always comments on is his insane amount of empathy. He is incredibly tender hearted and thoughtful. His SLP even thinks this could've been why his speech was delayed a bit. His brain was on overdrive developing those empathy levels way earlier than other kids, obviously directly related to having Noah as a brother and then becoming a big brother at 2. He's truly one of the sweetest little boys. Needy and exhausting some days, but soooo sweet. I hope he never ever changes. It's one of the reasons I refuse to send him to regular school. Bullies would pick him out so fast and then I'd have to go to jail for drop kicking a kid. Lol. Even on the playground last week, he was having the time of his life playing tag with a group of boys. We were at Robbins Park where it's hard to see through the play area. I went to check on him after a few minutes when I noticed he wasn't going down the slide anymore. He was with some little girl and crying. Apparently she told him he couldn't play with his friends anymore and had to stay with her. We had to have a talk about not letting other people tell him what to do and to always come get me if someone makes him feel uncomfortable or sad. It was a learning moment (little girl obviously ran off after he told me what happened). But he perked up again and had a good day. He's still obsessed with French fries. Like literally asks me before he goes to bed when we can get some again. hahaha I'm glad he's a super active kiddo, otherwise we'd be in trouble. He's still loving Roblox. His favorite games are Star Wars, Crushed by a Speeding Wall, Natural Disasters, Don't Press the Button, Flood Escape, Floor is Lava, Hide & Seek, and lots of the Tycoon games. Noah loves Roblox too. He likes the Airport Tycoon, Amusement park, and the Obby games.

Diana made a new friend at the library last week. They were both playing on the computers and hit it off. I started talking to the mom, and they had just moved here from California 12 days ago! Siya is 4.5 so a little younger than Diana, but super cute and keeps up with her. I think her mom Mayuri is just happy to have another adult to talk to. haha She's also a hobbyist photographer so we have that in common. They're both very sweet, and it's nice to have someone to go on playdates with that's so close by. 

Super Bowl

 I really need to be doing a better job of journaling our life. Unfortunately it feels like LIFE is the reason that I don't! By the time I'm at the end of a busy day, I don't feel inspired to sit down and write our day down that seems pretty mundane these days.

Anyways, today we had a super bowl thing at our house. My mom, Art, Madison, and Garrett came over (Kalyb stopped by later). The game was awesome, we had good food. Diana's been sick the several days but has tested negative for covid twice. She just has a runny nose at this point, but she was mostly content to watch Puppy Dog Pals in my office. She did come in the room for the Half Time Show to dance. I seriously am struggling so much with my mom (and that whole white, Republican, evangelical, political generation) and her views on things. We were LOVING Dr Dre, Snoop, Mary J Blige, etc but all she could do behind us was get in a mood about it. She wouldn't shut up about how much she hated the show. Such a buzzkill. Meanwhile we were over here dancing, including Art. Lol. 

Brad's Heart

 Everything has honestly been perfect. As perfect as they can be anyway. I'd like to have my abs back, but it's fine. Brad's got the dream job with the dream coworkers and the dream schedule. He can literally go to work in his pajamas. I've loved having him home. We have always worked best, relationship wise, when we can be together all the time. It sounds weird, but it's true. I bring him coffee in the morning, he tells his coworkers how lucky he is to have me, brags to them about me all the time, we flirt, help each other, etc. Despite the fact that the rest of the world is basically a gigantic shitshow, we're at our happiest. We've found a good rhythm. I can finally work out again and the kids like "exercising" with me. :) Our dogs are the cutest. I have my dream house with a dream back yard and a massive garden that I love working in. The kids are happy. Hayden is a math whiz. Diana is almost reading without help. Noah is killing it with his therapists that come daily to work on life skills. If Brad and I can't fit in a date, we order (healthy-ish) takeout and watch Ted Lasso or a movie. So I'm not even lying that life has been so incredible this past little while. Until last week.

Thanks to Covid, Brad has been extra nervous to go to his heart doctor for a checkup. It just felt less risky to stay home than to go to a hospital during a pandemic. But something (ie. God) kept nagging at him, telling him that he was going to die soon if he didn't get his health checked out. He thought that meant Covid, so he booked an appointment with a cardiologist that was available asap. They said he was totally fine to get the vaccine and went ahead and hooked him up to his 24 hr monitor like always. He turned it in the next day. Last Thursday (two days after returning the monitor) right after Noah's favorite therapist Christy left, he got a phone call. They told him to get to the emergency room now, that he needed to have emergency heart surgery within the next 24 hours. Their exact words were "Tell your family you love them and get here immediately." Turns out that as he was sleeping, he was going into stage 3 heart block. It was definitely serious. He needed a pacemaker asap. After that phone call, Brad looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me the news. This man doesn't cry that easily. He was scared. 

When he was 19 and was sent home from his mission after 5 months, his cardiologist at the time (Dr Stern) thought he would need a pacemaker then. Thankfully they said it wasn't necessary yet and somehow we made it almost 20 years before needing one. Also that sentence just made me feel old. Lol. Anyway, we rushed around finding shoes and necessities to get him to the ER. Brad started talking about worst case scenarios... like if something happens to him to sell the house and move in with my dad for awhile. And that he should give me his work passwords to have access to his RUI's. I told him not to tell me any of that because he was coming back home. We both have been preparing for days like this for years. We immediately went into rational mode. 

Friday was surgery day. I couldn't sit still. The kids and I blasted positive Jesus music (their favorite is Maybe Midnight by TobyMac). I cleaned nonstop. The space under our kitchen sink hasn't been organized since we moved in, but you bet your butt it's perfect now. I got a phone call around 4pm finally that the surgery went well and he was in recovery. His nurse said he seemed to be a little upset at first, but he was doing well otherwise. Turns out he was upset because his initial OR nurse was the worst! She basically ignored him. Kerri and Kalyb came over so I could go to the hospital to be with him. It's surreal walking into a hospital not knowing if someone is accidentally infecting you with a deadly virus. But the super sweet, totally gay receptionist dude made my day and told me how young I look. :)

Poor Brad. He was all bandaged and medicated. We spent the evening eating crappy hospital turkey sandwiches and watching a Panthers game. He clearly needed me to stay the night, as he could hardly move his right side. As soon as he asked me to, my mind went straight to Hayden. My sweet sweet boy who gets so anxious so easily. I was so worried he would be sad I wasn't coming home after I told him I would. But Kalyb Facetimed us and they were having a BLAST pretending to be Pokemon and having him capture them. It was adorable. All of Brad's nurses were so nice, and of course he put on the charm and was their obvious favorite patient. 

Watching his reaction to seeing his surgery incision was pretty upsetting. He was blue, yellow, purple... all the colors you probably don't want to have in your skin. It was definitely a mental adjustment for the both of us. It just made me sad to see him so sad and vulnerable and in pain. We got a few hours of sleep that night. It definitely felt weird to be the one sleeping on the couch instead of the hospital bed for once! haha. We got him home and set up in the Lazy Boy chair he bought for a vasectomy he never got a couple years ago ("because the front desk people were incompetent, and if that's how their front desk is run, no way are they coming close to down there...." hahaha). 

The next couple of weeks were filled with lots of ice pack refills (which the kids, even Noah, helped with), movies, medicine, follow up appointments (btw, Greg Olsen is my freaking hero for what he did to Sanger's pediatric cardiology unit!! That place used to be a dark hole when we were in college!), board games, and just trying to keep Brad comfortable while he recovered. The only hiccup we had was about a week into recovery, he would start to fall asleep and get this weird jolt that would wake him up. We took him into the pacemaker company place and it turns out they needed to adjust some settings with how they wired him. What was happening was that as he started to doze off, his heart would slow down and the signal to keep his heart pumping was also getting sent to his right side. It was taking his breath away honestly. Thankfully they got it all fixed, and he's been fine since.

For me, it was an oddly comforting place to be. It's where I shine. I know how to take care of him. It's what I did when we were 19. I go to the appointments, I ask the questions, I make sure he takes the right meds, and I make sure he knows we love him... I'm good at it. It was nice to feel needed and appreciated. I like to feel useful and productive. I don't ever want to feel like a burden to anyone, so this for me was a way of showing I'm an asset I guess. 

Since then, he's recovered well. Hayden was totally freaked out by his surgery area at first. Noah was adorable and just took it in as fact. Diana was fascinated. She's hilariously wonderful. She and Hayden both loved helping.

I'm so incredibly grateful he's okay. Life basically got back to normal, and I can't even begin to say how thankful I am for the company he's with and the friends he has there. They all pulled together and ran things for a few weeks while he was out. They're seriously the best. 

Myrtle Beach May 2021

 Highlights...

Madison is consistently amused by the kids. Notable moments:

M: "Diana, do you want a snack?"

D: "yeah"

Madison walks into kitchen. A few minutes pass by...

D: "George is a monkey. He likes bananas."

M: "Lol. Would you like a banana?"

D: "No"

M: "Hayden, do you want some pancakes?"

H: "YES! Hayden loves can-cakes!"

It was seriously one of the best trips. We were hesitant about how it would go bc my mom is honestly kind of crazy and moody. But I know my family and four days is the perfect amount of days before everyone starts to mentally break down. Lol. We all had the best time hanging out on the beach with Madison, searching for hermit crabs (at one point Noah even asked me to help him find some), and swimming in the pools. Noah LOVED the lazy river there. We stayed at the Island Vista which is where we stayed when he was a baby. It was so sweet to see him play in the same place at 11 as he did when he was 1. Madison and I must've pushed him around that dang lazy river in the tube 100x. His sweet grin made it so worth it though.

We also went and played putt putt at Mt Atlanticus which is our favorite place there. We started Noah on Zoloft the day before we left for the beach, and I swear it had to have kicked in. Before we left, he was so anxious about normal everyday life things. The sound of Hayden being happy and playing would send him in a tantrum mode. He would come at me hitting and screaming. It was so not my normal sweet boy. After Friday, while we were at the beach, he seemed to have turned a corner. We're only giving his half of a 25mg dose, per Dr Shah's opinion, but I could swear it's already made a difference. He was calm, played happily on the beach and in the pool, and he even enjoyed putt putt. He didn't even cover his ears in circumstances that would've normally sent him spiraling (ie. spontaneous loud cheers, ambulance driving by, etc). He even initiated running back to the van with Hayden. I've really missed my sweet boy. I hope this is the beginning of getting him back.

Our only scary moment was when the babies went into Madison's room which was an adjoining suite. She walked into our condo and let the door shut behind her without thinking. So Hayden and Diana were sitting on the balcony without us being able to get to them. It was probably only 3 minutes but it felt like an eternity. We finally found a key to her room and got in but omg I was panicking.

Brad and Art had fun playing golf twice. Art got sunburnt and Brad was tired, but I'm glad they had a chance to escape for a bit.

Most of our days were spent playing in the pools. Hayden's favorite was the outdoor pool, and he & Diana both really liked the indoor kid pool especially with the tubes. 

At night my mom and Art would read bedtime stories to the kids. It was so sweet, and now my mom wants to start her own YouTube channel where she reads children's books. Lol. 

We spent the last night of our trip, we had dinner on the resort patio around a bonfire. Madison and I both got margaritas but Art knocked hers over, so I gave her mine. The menu was limited still thanks to covid but we enjoyed burgers and chicken nuggets. Marah (Harrison's baby mama) was admitted to the hospital so we were all a little stressed about that but managed to have a good time. We talked to Steve, the Hawaiian custodian, who told us his story about being a military kid and not getting the traditional tribe tattoo. Art and Brad made friends with another Steve from Connecticut who bought them drinks at the var while waiting for food. Lol 

Later on, while it was just me, Brad, and Madison, Brad was like, "What the F is that?" As Madison turns around, each of the three orange lights over the ocean Brad saw went off. Which made him freak out even more. Turns out we're pretty sure they were mortars or flares. But still, he thought it was a UFO. Lol

Diana

 Diana is seriously the best sister in whole world. She’s constantly pushing Noah, insistent that he interacts with her. It doesn’t faze her in the least that he doesn’t talk back to her most of the time. She “reads” books to him, sits and just chats with him, and constantly asks him to play with her. He doesn’t seem to mind it too much either. He thinks she’s funny and entertaining. 

She’s LOVING dance so far. We signed her up at Piedmont School of Music & Dance, the same school my past seniors have gone to. That place is so impressive. She has Ms Tess as her teacher and she loves her. Today I was photographing a senior named Sofiana and her sister Ellie, and when she found out Sofiana dances there, she performed her recital piece for her. It was the cutest and they were very impressed.

Update

I really need to get better about blogging again. I loved being able to keep up with all of the day to day stuff I used to do with Noah. Every little detail of his life was documented either on my blog or in photos (or both). Anyways, an update since the last post...

Brad's Job:

Last time I wrote, our living situation was still up in the air. Brad was sought out by Amazon and interviewed a few times with them. He flew out to WA to do the final round of interviews. He told me it was all going really well until his last meeting with the person that would be his boss. During the interview, he said he could feel himself not doing well, but he was too distracted. He couldn't figure out if the guy was wearing makeup or not. Lol. During his trip, he met a guy from Ireland who had just been hired and was there for more training. The last night he was there, they met at a local place for some dinner. He asked Brad if he wanted to grab a couple of drinks nearby. As they were sitting at the bar, he turns to Brad and says, "Alright American, let's see who can drink more." As a true Enneagram 8, Brad couldn't walk away from a good challenge. Sure enough, dude outdrank an Irishman. When the guy asked how that was even possible, Brad answered, "It's all because of a girl named April Pressley!" (when Brad first started with AVG, part of the culture was to go out for drinks with the higher ups, since that's basically all Europeans do. Lol. He was still pretty new to alcohol, and his tolerance wasn't very high. April literally taught him how to drink so he could keep up with them without getting drunk). I have a feeling however much they'd had was plenty though, because then they went outside and the Irishman challenged him to a foot race. Brad won that too. Lol

A week or so after he came home, we heard back from Amazon. They really liked him and felt like he'd be perfect in that environment but maybe in a role with more leadership. Basically we're pretty sure his potential future boss picked up on Brad's confused vibe.

House:

Since Amazon wasn't happening, we knew we needed to start looking at homes soon. After Brad's dad got remarried (still weird, fyi), Laura and his dad gave us a lease agreement that we had to sign. It was all so stupid. The original plan when we sold our home was to use that money to pay off debt, save up a little, and start fresh. There also wasn't a lot on the market that we liked when we sold the house. Anyway, fast forward to after Granddad was married. We didn't really have any options. We didn't have time to find a home we loved that we could afford (remember the original plan here... this was only a few weeks after we had moved in). And my main concern was Noah. He had already gone through so much (another post in itself). Moving again would be horrible. So we settled on paying almost the entire mortgage. Aunt Joanie would still work there a few days out of the week, so Granddad subtracted $200 from the mortgage. They gave us until February 28, 2019 on the lease to decide if we were going to move elsewhere or just buy the house.

When we first moved in... again, a different post with all those details... Brad would randomly talk about "what if we bought it?" I would almost gag at the thought. It needed so much work. It held so much baggage and sad stories. Fast forward two years... I was the one telling Brad I wanted to stay. We had done so much work on it already. It felt like home. Diana took her first steps in the upstairs hallway. We could assume the loan and avoid some of the extra fees. I begged God to make it work. And as always, for some reason, He decided to make me smile again.

This was my post on instagram about it...
"We're officially closing on this house today. It's a little surreal. When I was 12, I would ring that musical doorbell (literally plays songs) in hopes Brad could come out and play. His brother once grabbed a heart shaped cake pan and stick it out the door while we awkwardly talked on that porch. He handed me a Christmas gift there when we were 14 that his sisters grabbed and wrote "to the love of my life" and "to my wife" on the wrapping paper. I still have it. It's where we had our first real kiss when we were 16. I spent many hours talking him through his oldest brother's death in one of those rooms. It's where he made me a first anniversary dinner with his mom's China. Our sweet dogs were born in that garage. It's where he first told me he loved me when we were 15, whispering late at night over that landline phone so our parents wouldn't hear. I fell down those stairs in college trying to bring him balloons after his heart surgery and ended up in the ER. He broke up with me and broke my heart in that driveway in 2006. He brought me back a few weeks later and on Christmas Eve, he proposed. We spent so much time together here with his family, helping raise our nieces and nephews. We took care of his mom, grieved her loss with his dad, and then through a weird twist of fate, moved in 'temporarily' during a transition stage of life with our 3 babies. I moved forward with my business here, fulfilling a dream of mine. Our kids now see this place as home.

When we signed that lease two years ago, we randomly said 'February 28, 2019' as the end date. Fast forward and (I don't believe in coincidences), today on our last lease date, we're scheduled to own this wonderful place full of memories. I can't wait to make more."

Yep. We closed on the exact date of our last lease date. We assumed the loan and got the home for way less than what we probably ever would've paid for it any other way, based on the location alone. It's been a process trying to update it and breathe new life in it. But man is it gorgeous once you show it a little love. Just like everything else. :)

Kids:

Noah - he is doing SO well. We switched therapy clinics last summer. We adored the last place he was at. He had been with Pediatric Hands On Therapy since he was 3. However, last Spring, he and his OT weren't quite meshing well anymore. She kept reporting him being moody, hitting, etc. I know my Noah. If he's acting out like that, something is up. Turns out, Brooke was going through a rough time. She had a baby at home that was stressing her out, and she also was dealing with complications from oral surgery. Noah was definitely picking up on what she was putting out there, because he was only acting like that with her. He probably thought she wasn't happy with HIM. Anyway, we decided to give him a break from OT. We kept seeing Ms Lisa though for speech. He really loved her. They were for sure buddies, and he was always happy with her. She had a baby and after a few months back to work, she was really needing something more routine. Being at the clinic had a lot of extra paperwork vs just clocking in and out. So she took a job at the hospital and literally was choking back tears thinking of leaving Noah. We said goodbye to our therapists turned friends and clients. It was hard leaving them, but definitely time.

We started at a new place in Mooresville, which is nice because it's only 20 minutes away (vs the 40 min drive to Gastonia). It's SO nice. It's just very well run, professional, and organized. My friend Meredith used to be an OT there before she got married and moved to GA. Right now we have Noah enrolled in Speech and OT. Funny thing about his speech therapist Erica. When she walked out to greet us on his first day, I told her, "You look really familiar..." She said, "You do too!" We finally put two and two together and realized that she was Noah's very first speech therapist when he was in Early Intervention back at Pinewood Elementary. He was only three years old when we met her. She had moved away, gotten more education, got married, and moved back! So crazy how life works out that way sometimes. I've been super impressed with her so far too. She's been working on initiation with him, and it's really carrying over well at home. We're getting more conversational type comments from him, which is really cute.
After he had some time to transition to the new clinic, we enrolled him in food therapy (OT). He's regressed so much with food, and I'm worried about his protein intake as we head towards puberty (insert breathing into paper bag bc I am so not prepared for this next stage...). Anyway, I was fascinated listening to the lady that evaluated him. Karen observed that Noah purposely picks foods that dissolve easily, only chews on the left side, and only in up and down motions. He doesn't know how to form his food to swallow and doesn't move his food around with his tongue. So basically he doesn't know what to do with foods that don't break down easily, and he panics (which is why he would spit out new foods). He doesn't trust them, so there's some anxiety there as well. He's been seeing Adam for several weeks now. I can tell he really loves it. He always walks out smiling and seems to enjoy having a guy therapist for a change. The tough part is that he won't eat anything for either Erica or Adam, not even his preferred foods. I think it's because it's at the clinic, and we don't eat there. We eat at home. But at home, we're having so much success. He's now licking new foods and even holding some in his mouth. Things like sautéed red peppers and mushrooms. I'm so proud of him!

Hayden - my sweet little buddy. He's my shadow and biggest helper. Hayden helps me watch after everyone and will even hold Noah's hand in the parking lot or other places to make sure he stays with us. He has the BIGGEST imagination. None of his toys are ever what they seem. He makes up elaborate plots with his sharks, hot wheels cars, penguins, dinosaurs, and basically anything. They're usually in a video game or will somehow teleport to a different dimension. Unfortunately his big imagination also has its downside. He is so terrified of being alone. Like canNOT be in a room alone. If he is, we have to be in the next room over, doors open, and he will ask over and over every few minutes, "Mommy?? What're you doing?" For awhile he was sleeping great in his own room. Now he's so anxious that he's back in the bed with me and Brad. We feel so bad for him and are trying to figure out how to help him. It all started when he was a tiny guy and Noah would panic when he got too loud. Noah would lock the door and shut it on him so he wouldn't have to hear Hayden. Obviously this traumatized poor Hayden. He's scared to death he's going to get stuck, so doors have to stay open all the time. I'm hoping this is something we can just work through with him until he feels confident again. But again, his imagination doesn't help... now he thinks there's ghosts, mummies, etc in the bathroom or the closet. The most intense/scary show he's ever watched is probably the Lego Batman movies, so it's not like he sits around watching scary movies.

Aside from the anxiety, he's still the most silly, funny, tenderhearted little guy. He loves me so much. And I don't say that in a bragging way. This boy is at my side 24/7 wanting my attention and is pretty demanding and needy. He's been that way since birth. I'll never forget the second night in the hospital with him where I only got 45 minutes of sleep the entire night. He needed to be next to me. He's the most beautiful kid too. His big brown eyes and sweet face. It's his saving grace some days. Lol.

He loves to dance, play with his toys, and be outside. He is ALL boy. Currently anything potty humor related is hilarious to him. And fail videos on YouTube. He loves them. Brad took him and Diana to the Monster Truck show a couple months ago, so now he's into those too.

My favorite is at the end of the night, he becomes my sweet baby boy again. He always wants me to cuddle with him, which is the sweetest. I tell Brad that Hayden will be the one to take care of me in my old age. ;)

Diana - omg this girl. She's a mess. She's seriously everything I ever hoped for in a little girl, but also everything that terrifies me. Lol. She has zero insecurity. She's funny, confident, incredibly smart, friendly, loving, and ADORABLE. She wins the hearts of every person she comes into contact with. She's Hayden's best friend. Once she came along, his speech sky rocketed. My favorite thing she does right now... aside from her normal goofy antics... is when she gets mad. She yells "Ugh! I'm mad! I not playing anyMORE!", stomps all the way up to her room, slams the door, and then re-emerges three minutes later like nothing happened. Lol. She has natural rhythm. We're going to enroll her in some sort of dance class soon... either ballet or hip hop. Girl got Brad's dance moves with my booty. Lol. I adore this girl.