So What Wednesday

It's been awhile, but why not? Linking up with Shannon for "So What Wednesday"!

So what if...

- I used to think it was weird when parents would put pictures of their kids as their FB profile picture. Like they didn't have their own identity anymore. Now that I have a kid, I get it.

- I almost stopped blogging because of this constant feeling of being watched/judged/criticized... then I figured, it makes me happy. I've been blogging since college (before I knew that's what it was called) and keeping private diaries since I was a kid. I don't plan to stop anytime soon. I love the friends I've made through the blog world, and I definitely don't want to lose them. If people don't like what I post, there's a little X readily available at the top right of their screen.

- I had a moment of weakness during a particularly rough week last week and ate half a tub of Nutella. Straight out of the carton, with a spoon. I also was embarrassed and hid it from my husband in the back of the pantry behind the bag of ground flaxseed (which I probably should used instead...). I'm not proud.

- I could never go full-on Paleo. I live in the South... butter is in e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. I've been trying to apply the lifestyle as much as possible at home, but there's no way I'd be able to do it 24/7. Not in the land of Paula Deen and my MamMaw's cheese potato casserole. ;)

- I'm a big fat liar when it comes to limiting the amount of pictures I give clients in my photography packages. I get too excited and end up giving them more than what's listed. Maybe not a particularly smart business move, but I can't help myself. I've been lucky to have some awesome clients. Maybe if I ever get a big meanie one day, I'll stick to my guns.

- I'm kind of excited that the school year is almost over. It means no more driving Noah to therapy almost every day. He'll still be going once a week to the one we pay for. It's not like it even lasts that long. I'm just a hermit and would rather spend all day playing with my kid at home or the park or something than sitting in an office with a bunch of germy kids (seriously, we've been sick more this year than the last 4 years combined).

- I've been letting my kid go commando in our back yard almost every day lately. He doesn't like to be nakey indoors, but outdoors? He can't get those pesky swim trunks off fast enough. :) Thankfully, we have a big privacy fence, lots of sunscreen, and an umbrella.

Lately (with an 8 second clip of Noah singing!)

I've been so overwhelmed lately. It's not really just one thing either. It's lots of little things that have piled up and are making me feel like crawling into a corner and crying. Or inhaling an entire gallon of ice cream (which is why I haven't bought any...).
And I feel like I'm going to let somebody down. No one in particular. It just seems inevitable. If I focus on getting one thing done? Something else is going to suffer. For example, I'm doing pretty well trying to keep up with my business stuff. Photos are edited ahead of schedule, and I'm in the process of rebranding (which is stressful enough in and of itself...). But my house? Yeah, it looks like a family of 15 just ate at my house... then tried flushing an entire roll of toilet paper. And spilled veggie smoothie all over me. And picked at blue chalk, so there are little chalk bits on the floor. Oh, and the 15 people also decided to have a party all night long. Except those 15 people? They happen to be one toddler.

I just feel like there's not enough of me to go around.
I need like 3 more me's to make my life work out a little more smoothly (can I get an "Amen", mommas?!).

Noah had his IEP meeting Monday, and it went well. It's very laid back compared to what I've heard most meetings are like. His speech therapist wasn't even there for it. But I was happy with it overall. I think they sort of get a decent idea of where he's at. However, they're only with him for 30 minutes a week, so they don't get to see all of the successes we have at home. While I was there, I had Noah say his little phrases like, "Oh no, George!" and sing songs for them. They were stunned.

Seriously, where he is at this year compared to last year at this time? It's like having a completely different kid. He no longer lives like he's just existing in his own world, but he's present. He gives us spontaneous hugs and kisses. If I give him a choice between milk or water, he'll answer, "wa wa". If I give him simple directions, he's following them (for the most part... he IS still a toddler, after all. ha). He's added like 20 new words to his vocabulary in the last few weeks. I'm still waiting for "Ma-ma" to surface again. :)

Seeing as how the words are starting to come, we've decided to pay for private speech therapy, especially since school will be out soon. After next week, he wouldn't be getting anything until September. So after his IEP meeting, we had to run to the same place where his OT is at for a speech evaluation. Because he was sleep deprived, he wasn't quite on his A-game. But she did get a "ready, set, go!" out of him. :) I'm really excited about it, because she uses sensory integration as part of her speech therapy, which is perfect for him.

So that's where I've been. Add in a hospital visit for Brad a couple weeks ago (he's okay!), a much needed girls' night, Mother's Day, and Noah's sleep getting all messed up again... and well, that's why I haven't been blogging. Dude, I haven't even been reading blogs. I've missed my blog buds. :)

Hopefully I'll be back before another 2 weeks passes by.
And with that, I'll leave you with a quickie video of Noah singing. The song is from Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood (which, fyi, has been a total gift from God... his speech, social skills, and self-care skills have totally blossomed because of this show).

It goes, "I like you, I like you, I like you.... (then Noah finishes) Just the way you are!"

To the one who made me a momma...

There's this necklace I want very badly. It was made for us; it already has your name on it.

via

The fact that it has, "Love has no words..." etched into the silver? Well, it hits something deep in my heart. Because the fact is, Little Man, I haven't heard the word "Ma-ma" dance across those sweet lips of yours in a very long time. But the coolest part is that I don't need to hear it to know when you need me. In fact, even though I do a little dance with every new word or phrase that you surprise us with? They don't compare to the completely unprompted kisses you give. Or the way you still bury your head in the crook of my neck like an infant. Or how you reach those little arms around me when we hug, tugging as if I there's any possible way we could be any closer. When those beautiful eyes light up at the sight of me, it makes this mommy's heart soar.

 

Your sweetness knows no limits. Even those quiet little split-second fits most people would call a "tantrum" are cute. Your smile brightens even the worst of days, and people are automatically drawn to you. The Starbucks barista even lights up when she sees you coming for your weekly pumpkin bread, which she keeps in stock especially for you.

Little boy, you are such a gift. God is going to use you in amazing ways. You fill our home with lots of joy (and Curious George and cars and dirt...), and I'm just so thankful I get to be the one to help raise you. Thank you for making me a mom and giving me a reason to feel extra loved tomorrow.

Love you to the moon and back, sweetpea.

friday fiddlyfart

Brad and I are convinced that every night before he goes to bed, Noah plots new ways that he can destroy our house. New places to dump an entire bag of Baked Lays and crush into the carpet. Better techniques of pulling every cushion off the couches. Y'know, that kind of thing.

***

I'm usually pretty strict about Noah's diet, especially since he's such a picky eater. It takes a lot of extra creativity and effort to sneak those veggies into him, but it's doable.
I've always preached that if you don't buy it, they can't eat it. If all they have to choose from is healthy food, then they'll eat it. Kids won't starve themselves. The same is true for adults. Watch the Biggest Loser, and that's usually one of the first things they address... get the junk out.

However, I'm not immune to letting it slowly sneak into our home. I'll buy ice cream, just for fun, because Noah loves it so much. Brad will grab Noah a bag of Lays potato chips (NOT the baked kind...) while strolling through the cracker/chip aisle.

via

 

The real kicker? When Noah started reaching towards a bag in the chip aisle. I couldn't figure out what it was he was asking for, so I got him out of the cart to show me. He walked right up to a bag of Funyuns. He's never even HAD a Funyun before! I've never had a Funyun before! Frankly, I don't even know what a Funyun is... is it an onion flavored chip? An actual onion?

So yeah. We came home from the beach, promising each other not to buy any more treats for Noah. He was refusing to eat anything else. We were excited if he ate a few bites of banana.

Now? Just a few days later? He's back to eating healthy. Apples, bananas, raw pumpkin, and about 8 smoothiesicles a day. Once he figured out that all the "fun stuff" was gone, he started asking for his healthy foods again. Thus my point is proven, by the pickiest eater in the world.

***

I have another wedding I'm shooting tomorrow. Honestly, the photography world needs to come up with a better word than that. I feel all weird every single time, saying I'm going to shoot a family or whatever. Sounds creepy.

***

Brad came home from work yesterday with his eye in an insane amount of pain. I'd had dinner plans with a friend of mine for last night. Instead I ended up taking Brad to Urgent Care. He has a "corneal abrasion". We're still not sure where it happened, but even if it happened at work, there's no real way to prove it. While waiting in the lobby, Noah (of course) ended up having a poopy diaper. The diapers were in the car, which Brad had the keys to. So I spent the next 20 minutes apologizing to whoever happened to sit in our stinky vicinity.

I told Brad I think he did it on purpose. The man has been to Vegas, a guys' night with coworkers, and is going fishing with his dad next week. The last time I was out alone was at a photography workshop about three weeks ago. And even though it was a blast, I came home exhausted.

I need a girls' night.
And yes, I know I'm whining while my husband's eye feels like it might fall out. Wife of the year right here. ;)

Happy FRIDAY!!!

streams of consciousness

via

Noah's going through a weird diet phase right now.
Actually, it's more like a crap diet phase. He does this every once in a while, where all he wants to eat is crackers, chips, grilled cheese, and ice cream. Brad is a total pushover when it comes to Noah, which kind of sucks sometimes, because it means that I have to be the mean one. Brad took Noah to get some ice cream from McD's last night. So a few hours later, when Brad was in bed already, Noah asked me for ice cream. And of course, I told him no.

Noah doesn't really throw fits.
But oh my lordy. You would've thought I'd told him he's never ever having ice cream ever again. He fell on the floor and cried big, fat crocodile tears. Honestly, it's heartbreaking, because he's the embodiment of all that is innocent and right with the world. He doesn't understand that if he eats cartons of ice cream, that he'll get a belly ache. Or that his Dr will lecture me again for making him obese.

The frustrating part is that I know he likes healthy foods. If he's in the mood, he'll down an apple in 2 seconds. Same with grapes and bananas. In fact, at the store, he gets mad at me if I don't peel a banana for him right away (he hasn't quite figured out that "pay first" concept). I know for a fact that he likes peas and lima beans. But right now, he won't touch them. Heck, he's even refusing peanut butter. That's not normal for him.
Food is one of those things I've chosen not to make a massive deal about with him. Because the more I make it into an issue? The worse his diet may end up getting. So I wait it out. I stop buying kettle chips. Usually, we don't even keep ice cream at the house. I wait until he has nothing left to choose from but healthy options. Eat healthy or starve, basically. lol.

It'll all come back around again eventually. It always does. But man does that waiting period make me feel like a mom-failure.

***

My little sister turned 16 yesterday.
It's kind of surreal. Being a sister at 14 means you do much more in the ways of helping out than you would if you were a sister at 4. I changed this girl's diapers for cryin' out loud.
So it's weird to describe how I feel about her turning 16. She's not my kid, but at the same time, it's like she is. So part of me is all, "Cool! My sister's old enough to talk about more grown-up things!" while the other part is all, "No! She's supposed to stay a baby!" It's very confusing.

***

You ever feel like the kid on the playground that's wearing hand-me-downs and is all excited about last year's toy, while everyone else is in their designer jeans and talking about the latest iPhone apps?
Yeah, that's how I feel a lot of the time.
But honestly, it's not the stuff I care about. Not at all. It's the attitude of, "Wow are you missing out!" that surprises me. A friend of mine even fussed at Brad once for having a smartphone, while I have the freebie phone (seriously, I'm just happy mine texts). Nevermind that his is for work, and I really don't need a fancy phone. I've never cared much about being up to date on the latest and greatest. I grew up in a pretty privileged family, but my parents were the ones that decided when to spend and what on. Trust me, I enjoy shopping. But materialism really isn't my thing, especially when I know something newer and better will be along next year. Even in college, when I had "Daddy's credit card" on me 24/7, I never went on a spending spree. It was mostly for school books, gas, etc (gas, because I drove all around Charlotte carpooling my little brother and sister). When I saw a dress on sale that I liked? I'd call him first and ask. That happened twice.
Since being cut from the family bank account, I've had to learn a lot about money management. Brad has a lot to do with this, since he was the youngest in a family of eight. He's taught me a lot about wants vs needs.

We need to invest in Noah's therapy, so he can hopefully talk one day. We need to get new tires, so that we don't wreck. We need groceries to eat. We need to pay the water bill in order to take showers. We don't need to order Chinese, because we didn't feel like cooking. We don't need to buy a new car, because Brad's coworkers teased him about his clunker.

When it comes to how I run my photog business? I refuse to go into debt over it. It may take me longer to be really successful, because I'm not going to drop $30,000 on fancy equipment... but in the end, I'll have fewer headaches and get more sleep at night. (fyi, I'm not saying that everyone who does have all the fancy stuff is in debt. I just know there's no way for me to have it all without going into debt right now).
I buy what I need. If it's functional, and we have the money? I'm purchasing it. And I swear to you, God has blessed us for taking this route. I'm not saying this because I think we're super-Christians that are perfect and deserve to get on our high horse and tell everyone else what to do. I'm saying it because we're not. I've been tempted to drop $3000+ on a pro-grade camera. Brad was tempted to buy me a $1500+ laptop, because it was taking me 4 years to edit one picture on my old PC with the monitor from 1994. But in the end, we said no.

And lo and behold... Brad found a laptop on clearance at Target, complete with everything I need (adequate RAM, awesome graphics card, phenomenal processor...) for $250. And we had the money for that. It doesn't have an apple on it, but it definitely has what I need to process good, quality photos for clients.

So instead of feeling left out, I choose to be thankful. The whole thing is comical to me, watching these people beg to be included in whatever all the cool kids are doing or buying. Just because so-and-so photographer makes millions and edits on a MacBook doesn't mean that's the secret to their success.
Do I believe in staying current? Absolutely. Do I believe in going broke doing it? Nope.

And frankly, I kind of like the idea of being the poor, unknown photog that uses what little I have to become awesome.
Everyone loves a good underdog story. ;)

***

I love hearing Noah play with his Thomas engines and saying very seriously, "ANK YOU! ANK YOU!" Apparently, one of his engines needs a lesson in manners.

***

We have officially hit the paparazzi stage...

***

What my weekend shall consist of. And I'm kind of excited about it.

 

HAPPY FRIDAY!

lack of sleep means lack of a coherent post.

Last night, Noah fell asleep around 10:30. We don't really have much of a "schedule" when it comes to Noah's bed time. Everytime I try to make one, he's all, "Schedule? What schedule?" and proceeds to prove to me, yet again, that I don't have much control over that part. But thankfully, he's been sleeping for long periods of time again. So if we're not going to bed till 2am, but we still get to sleep for 8 hours? Heck, I'll take it.

Anyway, I thought we were headed for normalville last night. Y'know, where kids go to bed before midnight? HAHAHA.

Poor kid wet himself, which woke him up at 1am.
He didn't go back to sleep until somewhere around 5am.

Someone want to just hook me up to a caffiene IV?
This boy. I love him to death, but geez. Motherhood is not for pansies, that's for sure.
He's lucky he's cute.

(source not found... apparently, the etsy shop this was on closed)

***

It cracks me up that teenage girls are crushing hard on actors my age (like Joseph Gordon-Levitt). I'm starting to realize how funny it must've been to older women when I was 15 and had a crush on Johnny Depp (of course, who can blame me... it's Johnny Depp).
One girl was all, "Did you ever see 10 Things I Hate About You?" Yeah, they were like 2 when that came out. So they're all, "He was sooooo cuuuuute". And I'm sitting here thinking, "Really? I remember me and my friends were all swooning over Heath Ledger. Y'know, the tall, hot, mysterious, manly-man kind of guy?"
Not that Joseph Gordon-Levitt wasn't cute then. But he was no Heath Ledger.

***

My photography business is starting to make me all panicky. I'm hearing nothing but crickets. Thankfully, most of my other photog friends (who are much more talented than me) aren't getting much traffic either.
It's cold and dreary, so it should be expected. I gave my name out for a few referrals, and only got one nibble. It's still my first year being in the business, and I have to remember this happens to everyone. But man, this waiting around stuff is for the birds.

I'm trying to make the most of it and use this time to learn. But still. Nobody wants to feel like they're getting passed over because they're no good. I'm just thankful I have lots of friends in the biz now, because I know they deal with the same exact issues and self-worth feelings.

So even if I'm not all smiles and sunshine about it at the moment, at least I know I'm not alone.

Mischief

Noah has this thing with candles. Actually, it's more like he has a thing for candle wax. I have to keep all candles above his reach, otherwise he runs off with it and proceeds to pick at the wax. Little tiny blobs of candle wax all over the floor. Ever tried to vacuum candle wax? It doesn't work. And I know when he's found one, because I'll suddenly get a really strong wift of "Winter" coming from his room. I mean... at least he smells good.
Like Christmas.

Silver lining.

***

Bath time is Noah's favorite. Always has been. The other night, Brad and I were talking in our room, while Noah was playing in the tub. We were within eye sight, like 5 ft away. I stop mid-sentence at the sound I just heard coming from the bathroom. Water splatting on a dry floor. Yes. Little Man decided to take his cup (that we use to rinse his hair) and pour water ALL OVER THE FLOOR. We're not talking about a little bit either. It was like he dumped the entire contents of the bath tub onto the floor. I grabbed all the towels we own, while Brad ran downstairs to make sure it didn't leak into the ceiling.

It did.

It was raining out of our vent, onto our dining room floor, for a good 10 minutes.

Good times.

***

Noah loves theme songs. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to the theme song to Arthur, Super Why, Sid the Science Kid, etc (on the iPad). Over and over.
However, if you want a good idea of Noah's personality? Go watch the opening to Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. I swear that entire song wraps up who he is and how he thinks. It's adorable, and it makes him happy.

***

Noah likes to play in my makeup drawer. He doesn't actually apply any of the makeup on. Instead, he takes all the items he thinks are cool looking. Things like my eyelash curler, big brush, tweezers.
My eyelash curler has been missing for over a week now.
Stinker.

***

We got a knock on our door the other day from a surveyor. Apparently, the people located diagonally behind us are selling their house. The surveyor informed Brad that our fence was a foot over the property line. The stupid part about this is that our HOA sent someone out to check this exact issue before we built it. Turns out the guy wasn't a professional. The surveyor wasn't being a butt about it. I mean, the people selling their house have a fence up already, so we're not really intruding on their yard. He just wanted to let us know. Brad had him mark our yard, and he's been working on moving the back wall ever since.

Since our electric fence is down, and the back wall to our fence is down, this leaves me in a tad bit of a predicament with the dogs. I can't take them on walks, not with Noah. Brad works 14 hour shifts, and we see him for maybe an hour a day. So it's not like there's much time for him to either.

Flash (the Lab) isn't fixed. Dodger (the Golden) is. Logically, you'd think we'd have to worry about Flash running off, right? Wrong. Dodger has wandered out of our yard like 4 times already. He's a sneaky thing. I watch them from the window when I let them out. I turn away for 30 seconds and the dog disappears. Drives me bananas.
I always know when he's run off, because Flash is the biggest tattletail. He comes up to the back door, pointing in a certain direction and looking all worried. I swear he's the smartest dog ever.

The plus side is that Dodger always comes back. I caught him twice, and he was just wandering around the neighbors' yards, visiting doggy friends. The other times happened at night before I went to bed, and I couldn't leave Noah to go searching for him (also, he's impossible to find at night...).

I'm so looking forward to having our fence back.

decluttering my head

I'm so out of my workout groove. I quit running after the miscarriage, and I obviously just lost all motivation. Then the holidays hit, and frankly, it seemed like a lost cause. I would've just been working out as an excuse to eat food. And let's face it, Christmas only comes once a year, and there's no way in H-E-doublehockeystick that I'm gonna pass up my aunt's sweet potato casserole (don't let the name fool you... it's loaded with butter and sugar... and oh-so-good).

But all that's over now. Pretty sure the lady lumps I've acquired aren't quite what Fergie was referring to, so I hopped back on the treadmill a few days ago for the first time. And I swear I thought I was going to die. The strength is there, but the endurance? Eh, notsomuch. My sides were cramping, and I only went like 2 miles. I guess that's not bad, but I was hoping for more. I'm an overachiever that way I guess.

***
 I finally jumped on the Downton Abbey bandwagon. I spent a couple days catching up on past seasons, and by the end of it, I was worried I was going to start accidentally speaking in a British accent. Except with a Southern twang. I'm sure that would've been super hot.
The show is addictive and really good. The only down side is that it stresses me out. That's an awful lot of drama to throw into one show. I seriously can't watch it before bed, because it makes me all anxious.

***
If you were following the news/weather at all last week, you probably heard about our big fat blizzard we had (#sarcasmfont). I love it when it snows. We rarely ever get any, so come January, most Southerners get all excited if there's even the slightest chance of some.

Yeah. Our area got a few flurries, but that was it.

Womp, womp.

(source unknown)

And while we're on the subject, I'd like to get something off my chest.

Northern and western transplants to our area like to give us a really hard time about our snow excitement. I saw a few calling us "idiots". But frankly, it's usually the transplants that my brother spends all day hauling out of ditches every time it snows. They figure they're super experienced and can drive on slush-covered roads.
If they saw our one little makeshift snow plow? They may understand why most of us stock up on groceries and refuse to come out of the house for two days. ;)

***

You know how most toddlers get really quiet, and that's how you know they're up to something? Well, I think we finally hit that stage with Noah.
He's usually pretty chill, so when he got quiet last week, I assumed he was just playing in his room. I went to go check on him, and to my horror, I walked in to a poop fest. Noah wanted to tap into his inner artist, but since he couldn't get to his paint or crayons, he got resourceful.
It was all over him, smeared into the carpet, on his bedroom door...

He's never done anything like that before (and it doesn't really have anything to do with autism. I've heard of typical kids doing this too). I guess there's a first time for everything, but I'm hoping there's a LAST time for everything too.

***
So remember Noah's Mini Cooper my dad and stepmom got him for Christmas? Well, our driveway isn't really ideal, since it's kind of short and goes to the road. I decided to take it over to my dad's and let Noah test drive it there.
He really liked riding around in it, but he hasn't quite gotten the hang of steering yet. He knows how to make it stop and go, but he's rather go hands-free and chill as he cruises.
Cracked us up.

Happy Monday (and MLK Day)!

Noah stuff

Noah has been having a bit of a rough time lately.
He's realized that he's 3. It took a while, but he's finally having normal fits and meltdowns. They're still really mild compared to most kids (his OT actually laughs at them, because they're just so... cute).
He also got some sort of weird virus on Friday night. He would randomly break down crying over the silliest things, or over nothing at all. He wouldn't eat anything all day. On Saturday, he finally drank some water and proceeded to throw it all back up. After that happened two more times, he then ate half a bag of tortilla chips and was totally fine. So weird.

But the cranky mood hasn't completely left. Yesterday, he got wimpery as we came up to the McDonalds (at a red light). I figured, what the heck. So I went to get him some ice cream. Except? He didn't want it. And when we pulled out of the parking lot, he proceeded to have an epic (for Noah) meltdown and threw the ice cream cone at me from the back seat. I didn't get on him too much, because I know he's not himself right now. Plus, I had a hard time not laughing.

I just feel so bad for him. He's now understanding more and has opinions and wants, but he can't express them. When he felt bad over the weekend, I didn't know why. We were guessing everything from ear infections to a stomach ache. It's just sad. So while I'll never accept ugly behavior, I also know I have to extend a little grace to him. He's just now becoming more aware... of his surroundings, other people, himself. He expects us to just know his thoughts, and it must be so frustrating when we don't get it. It's like having a newborn in a toddler form sometimes.

***

Yesterday, he had a little bit of a rough time at his OT. She knew he wasn't quite himself when he would just randomly sob at things they always do.
After it was over, we walked out of the little side room. Noah quickly walked into a different room (the lights were off), grabbed a very specific toy, walked into a different room, sat on the floor, and proceeded to play with it for the next 20 minutes. See the door to the left of the slide? Obviously, this vintage Fisher Price cash register had caught his attention when he was sliding.

His therapist felt terrible. He probably thought she was being mean by not letting him play with it. She had no idea that's what he wanted. She even said she would've grabbed it to help him transition had she known. Whoops!
At one point, I asked him if he was ready to leave, and he politely stuck his hand out for me to back off (it's his way of saying, "no thanks").
So being that this is the ONLY thing he's gone crazy over lately, I immediately did a frantic online search for one of these things. I found one on ebay for like $20 (including shipping), which was the cheapest option. After I bought it, I realized I didn't check to make sure it came with coins. Sure enough, it does not. So I searched for the right coins for that particular model.

Then it dawned on me to check craigslist. There's a mom nearby selling theirs (WITH coins) for $10. WHY did I not think of that BEFORE purchasing the non-refundable one?? I've already emailed the guy and asked for him to cancel it (it had only been an hour or so, and yes, I was totally that mom and mentioned "my autistic son who wanted this for Christmas with the coins").
Now I'm just praying he taps into the spirit of Christmas and gives me my money back. Otherwise, I'll just save it and give it as a gift later on down the road. And don't think I'm above calling him a Scrooge if he makes me keep it. lol. I'll just make sure to cook an extra awesome Christmas dinner for Brad to smooth over the fact that I've bought two of the same toy.

***

The owner of the OT company plopped down on the floor with us to chat yesterday (they're all so cool), and she asked how Noah's sleep was going. She then asked if we were using a weighted blanket. I told her that they're just too expensive, and we don't want to spend that kind of money (we're talking at least over $100) on something he'll just throw on the floor.
She then tells me that someone donated one recently, and I was more than welcome to take it home and try it out for a couple of weeks. How awesome is that?!

I hope we never move. These people have been so amazing for Noah.

***

His OT is beginning food therapy with him now, to help him expand his palate a little. She told me about this new technique called "food jagging" that seems to be working well.
Basically, you offer them three kinds of simple foods, one of which you know they will eat. Everyone at the table gets the same thing. There's an empty plate in the middle of the table, where unwanted food can be discarded. She also suggested putting Noah in a contained seat at the table (not a high chair) and placing something on the floor that he can rest his feet on. This gives them added stability when eating, instead of that wiggly, dangly-feet feeling.
So I used his old travel chair last night and put a big speaker we weren't using underneath his feet (perfect height!). He ended up sitting there for 30 minutes, eating everything on his plate. He never does that. He even ate his lima beans with his fork... so exciting!

There were a couple of times where he pushed on the table, like he was ready to get down. But then it was like something in his head clicked, and he was all, "Oh wait, I'm still hungry...".

***

I'm not sure if I'll be back blogging before Christmas. I hope so, because I have plenty to document. But honestly, I'd rather be soaking up this time with my little family. If not, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!! :)

playing catch-up.

Life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately. We're coming into that busy season where we go-go-go for 2 months straight. It's actually my favorite kind of season. People are (mostly) happy and filled with excitement.
For me, I also have to factor in Noah's therapy appointments, Brad's crazy retail schedule, work, pregnancy, and all the stuff in between.
Frankly, I already have issues keeping up with blogging as it is. I can't imagine what things will look like around here in the next few weeks.
Bear with me, this may turn into a long post. Sorry 'bout that.

However, part of my blogging issue was that our laptop (we thought) had died. It wasn't charging anymore. So if I wanted to blog or do anything computer-related, I had to do it on the monster in the corner room upstairs. No more blogging while Noah played right in front of me. But, we tested out the laptop with my dad's charger, and it was indeed just the charger. So I have my laptop back. Woohoo!

Anyways, this is a catch-up post of sorts.
Just stuff we've been doing the last couple of weeks that I've been meaning to blog.

My Birthday.
It was actually a little pathetic. Life just got so busy, and I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. So I messaged a bunch of friends to see if they wanted to join us for dinner. It was kind of a last minute thing, so my feelings weren't going to be too hurt if it didn't work out.
And well... those who said they could come? Almost all had to cancel at the last minute, due to various reasons (mostly babysitter and sick kid issues). However, one of my lifelong best friends was so loyal that he and his fiance drove 2 hours from his granddad's 90th bday party to celebrate with me. It was going to be them and one other couple. And since both couples lived on opposite sides of town (and frankly, I was worried they wouldn't quite mesh well, personality wise)... we decided to keep it small. Which turns out? Is exactly how I like it.
We opted for a Japanese steakhouse (haven't had it in foreeever. shrimp sauce, how I missed you...), and we had an absolute blast. Afterwards, Brad and I picked up Noah and we all headed back to our place to hang out and play games.
It was low key. And it was wonderful.

More Birthdays.
Noah's cousin, Easton, turned two last week. To celebrate, his momma planned a little party at our grandparents' house for Easton's friends and family. Easton's daddy was actually in a very serious car accident last year. So bad in fact, that he is the only survivor. He recently started being able to walk on his own again, and it was so awesome to see him there. His progress is amazing, and I'm sure his parents are thanking God every single day for sparing their son.

We learned that Noah isn't exactly the best birthday party guest. Obviously, this is an area we need to work on a little more. Poor kid.
I wasn't able to get many pictures of the party, because a certain little boy decided to get into a massive mud puddle. He was originally heading for a big pile of dirt (my family has always been in construction, so random dirt piles are normal), but got sidetracked by a quick-sand type mud swamp. He stepped one foot in it, slipped, and was covered in mud. And of course you know I didn't pack an extra pair of pants. So the kid attended the rest of the party without pants, while his were washing.
I had to actually hose him off outside before we took his shoes and pants off. He thought that was so fun that he got mad when I wouldn't let him play with the hose himself.
He also doesn't understand that the entire gallon of ice cream is not for him.
Nor are the birthday boy's presents.
Or that you can't just walk up to kids and take their balloons, then proceed to let them go.
And while Noah is most definitely not the tantrum-thrower type, he certainly had a few fall-on-the-floor and whine moments because of our constant intervening. Apparently, we don't get invited to enough parties. haha.
But it wasn't all bad. My cousin had borrowed a bouncy house, which Noah loved. They also painted pumpkins (which Noah entertained for about 5 minutes). We also got to see one of mine and Brad's childhood buddies (he grew up down the street from us) who was there with his wife and little girls.

 

 That night, the rest of the family came over to celebrate the October birthdays. Noah was doing a little better. At least he had pants on. Although at one point, we were all sitting around the table chatting. I see my brother jump up from the table... because Noah had reached onto the kitchen counter and was carrying an entire sheet cake to us. Because he wanted some, and he didn't know how else to tell us. Thank goodness we caught him before he had a chance to drop it.

That boy.

Photography Stuff.
I need a nanny. Or a husband with a regular work schedule. I currently have two photo sessions and a wedding I'm editing, and Noah doesn't quite understand that concept. Brad has a couple days off this week, so I'm taking advantage and getting as much done as I possibly can.

Oh yeah, the wedding.
Well, the night before, Noah was an angel and went to bed at 10:30. And wouldn't you know it, Brad and I were both too excited about the next day that we couldn't sleep. We both got a little over 3 hours that night, before driving 2.5 hours to the location and spending the next 6 hours documenting a wedding.
Honestly, though? It was a blast.
I realized how much I enjoyed doing weddings. At least the easy ones. I'm not skilled enough to handle crazy lighting situations yet.
The only issues we really ran into were mostly with people. Guests who didn't want their picture taken or an incredibly shy groom. :) That and the actual ceremony itself. It's really difficult trying to balance between getting good shots and not being totally obtrusive. But it all worked out. I just hope the bride will be happy with what we got.
Here are a couple of shots I already posted on my Facebook page. Oh, and if you love me, do me a favor and go "like" my page. I'm almost at 100 likes! ;)

My dad and stepmom came to watch Noah for us for the day. They were awesome and were at our door before the sun was up. While they waited for Noah to wake up, they proceeded to wash the dirty dishes in the sink, fix our dishwasher (we thought it died, but the timer just broke), and repair our front door handle that was a pain to open.
We told them just to take our car if they needed to go anywhere (to avoid switching out the car seat). And boy did they go.
I think they took Noah on a tour of Charlotte. They went to Khols, Target, the nursing home (to visit my grandmother), their house, my dad's apartment building where he works (he had to check on something), and lunch at a drive-in.
When they got back, they proceeded to play outside.
My parents are hilarious.

("Grandaddy is a sugar bear with teeth"... not even sure what that means, but it made me laugh)

("Mama D is a Honey Boo Boo")

Pregnancy Stuff.
Still feeling pretty good. I'm starting to get some of my energy back, which is nice. I'm 10 weeks today, so I'm hoping I'm almost beyond the queasy stage. I'm very fortunate in that I don't really get sick sick when I'm pregnant. Just the idea of certain foods makes me feel gross.
I bought myself a heart rate monitor. The Doc doesn't want my heart rate going over 140, which turns out isn't very high. I attempted a light jog last night, and within a minute, my heart rate was at 170. I went back to a power walk, and within 30 seconds, it was back below 140. So no running for me, darnit. I wanted to be the awesome pregnant girl running 5K's, but apparently, that's not allowed. Looks like lots of power walking and yoga for me.
Also, if anyone has any workout ideas, I'm open to suggestions. It actually takes a lot for me to get something out of a workout. I bought a prenatal yoga DVD last time, and it was a big snooze. I never felt a thing. I like to actually feel sore after a workout. I'd prefer to be the tone type of pregnant, not the flabby, give-me-more-cake type (like last time). Honestly, I think I've been spooked into taking better care of myself this time. For any new readers, I got pre-eclamptic towards the end with Noah, and I struggled with weight gain (which was a shock for a skinny girl) and severe swelling. I want to do everything I can to prevent it. The Doc said I'm less likely to get it this time, but I'm still being careful.
My jeans are already starting to get a little snug. I can still button them, but when I'm sitting in the car? Yeah, they're totally getting unbuttoned. I need to get a rubber band to fix the issue. The good news is that they still fit everywhere else, just not my tummy. I guess it's true that you show sooner the second time around.

More importantly, I'm trying to do everything I can to keep the baby healthy. Since they're not sure what triggers autism, I'm doing my best to eat healthy, take my vitamins, and chill out when I'm exhausted. Basically just taking care of myself. That's all I know to do.
And if I still balloon up? Well, at least I know I did my best. :)

***

Alright I'll stop here. More later, hopefully.
Sorry for the random, all-over-the-place post. But it's a bit like my life at the moment, so there ya go. ;)

Happy Monday!


our crappy vacation (pun intended)

Okay, it wasn't ALL bad.
But I definitely learned that autism and vacations don't always mesh well. Particularly when it comes to sleep. The first night, it made me sad to see Noah grab his blankets and go to the door (I'm assuming asking us to go home so he can go to bed). There were plenty of highs and lows.

Crappy parts of the vacation:
1. Sleep deprivation. The first night, Noah was up until 2am. The next night, it was 5am. It wasn't until the 4th night that Noah was able to fall asleep before midnight and sleep all night long. After several attempts to help him settle down, we finally figured out he likes to sleep on the couch the best. He also didn't want to be left alone anywhere. So I would stay up with him until he fell asleep, then move the loveseat next to the couch. That way he wouldn't fall off in the middle of the night.
2. Inner ear infection.  Not Noah. Brad. Brad actually had complained a couple weeks before about his ear bothering him. But like a lot of men, he ignored it. So when we got down to Kiawah, it was hurting him to the point of him being miserable. Thankfully, they have a doctor there, and he got it taken care of.
3. Poop on the beach. Noah's sleep wasn't the only thing that got completely thrown off by our vacation. The poor boy didn't poop for 3 days. And of course, when he finally did go, guess where it happened... in the ocean. Brad picked him up, not knowing the state of Noah's pants, and was consequently covered in poo. I think this was the lowest point of our vacation.
4. Miscommunication in packing. First, Brad and I messed up by forgetting to pack our swimsuits. I remembered Noah's, just not mine.
Then the night before we left Kiawah, Brad went to bed early, so I decided to get a little packing done. But all I really achieved was putting away some of Noah's toys away. The next morning, Brad let me sleep in while he finished packing. For some reason, he thought I'd already packed away Noah's clothes we'd put in the drawers. I assumed he got them. Yeah. Noah has several articles of clothing just hanging out in the Kiawah place. Thankfully, my dad is the next one scheduled to go down, so he's going to grab them when he's there.
5. My dad getting called back in to work. My dad and stepmom were supposed to join us over the weekend. Unfortunately, after my dad left work early, he got a phone call that one of their apartment buildings caught on fire. Seriously?! So he didn't get home Friday night until dinner time, which basically was going to make the trip to Kiawah totally pointless. They would've been there for a day and a half at most. So my 30th birthday trip with my family was shot.

But. It wasn't all bad.
There were good moments too. Noah absolutely loved the beach. And he loved the ocean even more, even though the water was ridiculously cold.

Noah made some friends, a teacher and her husband. They were so sweet.

We brought the big guns with us this time. Noah's all about using the big boy tools.

Usually around this time of year, gnats are prevalent out there. Like biting gnats. Except this time? Not one gnat. Instead, there were butterflies. Everywhere. In the midst of my tiredness and all the other stuff, it was a nice little pick-me-up to watch a butterfly fly by me on the beach.
Also, instead of jellyfish, there were hundreds of starfish that were washed up onto the shore. So Noah and I went on a little walk, picking up the ones that still looked alive and tossed them back into the ocean.

 

So despite all of the crappiness, it wasn't totally terrible.
And really, if you're going to have a couple of rough days? Might as well happen in paradise. ;)

Life Lately.

Right now, I'm taking advantage of a few minutes to myself and writing. Well, sort of. Obama and Mitt are in the other room, going back and forth with their respective ideas. I'm not much of a debate watcher. I'm listening, and of course I believe in getting all of the facts (as hard as that may be...) in order to make an informed decision when voting. It's not the information overload that I don't like. I can handle that.
I don't like conflict. Debates make me nervous and antsy. And when one guy makes a great point, while simultaneously putting the other guy's ideas down, it just makes me want to give the one in question a hug. Tell them they're doing a good job, as if they're a 5 year old in a school play. That if it were me, I would've wet my pants by now.

***

You know you've taken too long to update the blog when it still says "summer 2012" at the top and people are emailing to make sure you're okay. haha.

Honestly? I'm just a little overwhelmed with life right now.
I have a lot going on.... nothing crazy, but enough to stress me out and keep me busy.

I feel like I have 20 million projects going on, and instead of getting any of them done, I'd much rather curl up in bed and watch cheesy, girly movies for the rest of the week. Pretend those projects don't exist.

As for the lack of blogging? Besides being busy, I'm feeling a little less-than-inspired lately. As if I'm just creatively spent. Not that my writing is all that magical normally. But I sit down to write.... and blank.

So here I go, attempting to formulate some sort of cohesive thought.

***

Work is going well. I've had a few photoshoots recently, which makes me happy. Especially when I see the clients happy. But I also see how far I have left to go, when it comes to growing. And that thought alone? Totally overwhelms me. As if I'll never get there. As if I don't deserve to even be doing what I'm doing. It's just negative thoughts that I keep having to ignore. Remind myself that the only one I need to compare myself to is me.

Noah is doing amazingly well. I'll go more into it in another post, but the strides he's made in the last month have been so awesome to see. I thank his OT all the time for being so wonderful. God couldn't have given him a more perfect therapist.
His public school OT, though? I'm having a really hard time trying to decide how to handle the situation.

Part of his IEP is that they want him to eventually copy block patterns. Right now, though, he's definitely not there yet. This goal is for June of 2013, and she's expecting him to do it now. She speaks to him like he's an 8 year old, with lots of verbiage and descriptive words. Noah is nonverbal. He responds best to 2-3 word phrases. Too many words, and he completely ignores everything you're saying. She brings zero toddler toys. All of her toys are boring to him, and she doesn't understand why he wants to run around towards the end of the session (even though I've explained his sensory needs and that he uses movement as an escape when he's overwhelmed). Last time, she attempted to make him stop. First by repeating, "Stop running. Stop running" over and over (not sure if Noah even knew she was talking to him. lol). Then by physically stopping him. His regular OT? She gets that he needs small breaks. That he needs regular sensory input, and that moving around solves that for him. Heck, ALL of his other therapists get that.

When Noah dropped a couple of the blocks, she told him, "Noah I need you to pick up those blocks before we do something else. Pick up the blocks..." She then holds out the bag of blocks for him to put the others in. He thought she was offering more blocks to him, and every time he would reach for more in the bag, she would shut it on him. He began to get very frustrated, and had I not stepped in, he would've spiraled quickly. I swooped in, put one of the blocks from the floor in his hand, and said, "Clean up". He then understood and did what she wanted.
But see... I shouldn't have to do that. She should know Noah's level of communication. She should know that, even though the goal is to get him to respond to adult directions, he's not THERE yet. And that you don't get there immediately. You take baby steps. Otherwise the therapy is going to be completely useless once Noah sees it as a negative experience.
Later when she asked him to clean up, she put the bag next to a table. When he leaned over, he hit his head pretty hard on the edge of the table. With tears in his eyes, he looked to her for comfort. Her response? "Oh, you're fine." No hug or anything. Maybe this is the momma bear in me, but that was a huge moment for her to gain some sort of relationship and trust with Noah. And instead, she blew it off as no big deal.

The other therapists? He'll climb in their laps and play with them. This particular one, he pretty much ignores or has zero relationship with her.

I've talked to his Special Ed teacher, his SLP, his private OT, and his former IE coordinator. All of them agree that I need to say something. That she needs to start small with him, bring toys that he'll enjoy, and make it a positive experience. I'm just trying to figure out how to explain what Noah needs without acting like an overprotective jerk.
The thing is? I feel like I keep having to step in and explain how to handle Noah. Explain his sensory needs, his limited language, and what he responds best to. I shouldn't have to do that. Not after it's all written in his IEP and after she's had several sessions to get to know him. Had I not been in the room for these therapies, he would've spiraled quickly and had no idea what she wanted from him.

So this has been weighing on my heart a lot lately. I think she's just used to working with older kids, not toddlers. Noah JUST turned three. Boring beige blocks and a squiggly pen just aren't going to be motivating enough for him. I've been advised to bring our own toys next time and to make suggestions on how to help Noah most effectively.
I don't have a problem sticking up for my kid. I just want to do it in a way that doesn't offend her.

And that's what's been preventing me from writing happy posts. I'm trying to avoid being a total downer. But yeah. This is where my head and heart have been.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to curl up on the couch and watch a Gilmore Girls rerun (okay not really. But I would like to...). :)

life lately (and a progress update on Noah)

Can you tell we've been a bit busy lately?
Part of it is due to the temperature drop (finally) around here. It feels absolutely awesome out, so we've been taking advantage of it.

Meeting up with friends:

Going out as a family:

 (Noah behaves so well at restaurants, even nicer ones. These were taken at the Cheesecake Factory)

 Soaking up the last little bits of summer fun:

 Monkey Joe's:

 

We bought Noah an Autism Awareness shirt, mostly so that others will be a little more mindful of him. I've watched people's faces completely change once they see it. It's like something on the inside softens, and they begin to reach out and play with him. Those who aren't aware of autism will ask polite questions. Kids become selfless, handing over their toys for Noah to play with. A sweet cashier at Target runs to their break room and back just to hand Noah a box of raisins or a sticker (she remembers Noah's name every time, asks how he's doing, and talks to him the whole time we check out). It's been so refreshing to see that there is still good out there. It's as if Noah teaches people to tap into a more sensitive part of themselves that often goes ignored.

For a little guy who used to be terrified of Monkey Joe, I think this can be counted as progress. :)

 Willing Fall to hurry its little heiney up:

Guess what made a comeback into Noah's diet again this week! That's right... raw pumpkin.
The kid still loves it. Go figure.

I may be a tad bias. But oh my goodness, his cuteness just slays me sometimes.

Pumpkin face 'n all.

 Btw, baking is a GREAT sensory play activity. And cheap.

Just get your vacuum ready, set yourself up next to the sink, and let 'em at it.

I use flour, white sugar, and brown sugar for the different textures.

Once he's done, I suck it all up with the vacuum and wipe the rest right into the sink. Pretty simple. When he's older, I plan on using baking to help teach fractions and measurements (I really wish someone would've done that with me. I probably would've done better in math had I understood what the numbers actually meant).

The other reason for the silence? Well, we've been doing a lot of transitioning the last couple of weeks. Noah has officially aged out of the EI program, much to the disappointment of his coordinator (we're still keeping in touch though! I talked to her yesterday!).
He now is enrolled as part of the public school's "preschool" program, even though it's not really preschool. Noah is going to therapy every day of the week except Wednesdays. Three of those days are at the local elementary school down the road. He's enrolled in OT, Special Ed, and Speech. We've only had one session of each so far, so it remains to be seen as to how much this will benefit him. I'm sure they're all great at what they do. It just takes some time to adjust and figure Noah out. It also doesn't help that they only have 30 minutes a week to do so. But we'll see. Anything is better than nothing.

He's also still doing OT with the private company (looooove them!!) on Tuesdays. His therapist, Ms Kim, is absolutely wonderful with him. She's a mom and grandma, so she has that perfect balance of wisdom, knowing when it's time to push Noah's limits and when it's time to ease up and cuddle him. :) And he's finally stopped crying! He participates well and actually enjoys it.

 (doing his pre-OT run... it's his transition tool of choice. ha)

The other therapists are also there, working with their kids, and they're all so friendly, greeting each kid as they come in. We've introduced brush therapy with Noah this week, and he loves it. I swear I could sit and listen to Kim explain this stuff to me all day. How it affects Noah, how Noah processes the sensory input, and certain signs to look for in the next couple of weeks. Fascinating stuff.

We've been seeing some really great progress with him, and I truly believe it's his OT that's helped. His stimming has decreased so much, and he's becoming a little more verbal.
A few nights ago, I asked him if he was ready to take a bath. He responded with, "Tay ba-ba". That was his first time ever using a two word sentence. I just about invited the neighbors over for a party to celebrate. I was so so excited for him. He's also saying "bye-bye" again.
Noah also knows how to count to 10, but in the past, he hasn't enunciated the words well. It comes out as, "uh-oo-ee" for 1, 2, 3.
This week though? He began to hop around the room, counting each hop and he said both "two" and "six" perfectly! Baby steps. But steps in the right direction.

He's currently obsessed with Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes. He randomly does the motions, attempting to sing along. Even on the trampoline (please ignore our neglected, ugly garden beds. we kind of didn't bother this year.). 

(how do you like that hair??)

Because he's learning to process sensory input correctly, he's getting braver. More aware of his own body and what he's capable of. While most parents freak when their kids start going up the slide backwards or do a superman jump off the arm of the couch, I'm over here encouraging it! It's typical toddler behavior, and I'm all for it!

 A couple of months ago, sitting on a swing unassisted wouldn't have happened. He's never been able to balance himself and wanted to lean back on me for support. Now? No help needed.

Noah's making lots of progress, and it's so exciting to watch. I love seeing him learn and getting to watch him make big steps firsthand.

Anyway, sorry for the novel. Just wanted to get this stuff written down before I forget. I love blogging, but frankly, sitting at a computer just isn't as enticing as getting outside and enjoying the awesome weather with my family. :)

Hope you're having an amazing week!

***

I also have a few new posts over at the Poop Whisperer. Check them out if you want!
Why You Gain Weight After Working Out
Pumpkin Spice Latte (vegan friendly option)